Falling From Her....

For the Love of Horses

Saturday was an amazing day.... cool breezes with bright sunshine.  Perfect weather for riding horses.  So we struck out early and headed for the Kentucky Horse Park.  Lucky for me it is only about a twenty minute drive from home, because it is absolutely my daughter's favorite place in the world.  With so much to do from museums to horse drawn carriages, horse shows and special events, trolley rides and pony rides, we can loose ourselves in a world full of horses.  Exploring the barns, petting the horses and being up close and personal with each one is where 'E' wants to be.  She searches for every opportunity to touch the soft nose of each different breed.  I am amazed with her interest and focus for such a tender age.  Some people say that all little girls love horses, "it is just natural."  But watching from the outside, I think 'E' has more than an everyday fascination.  Unlike the attachment to a toy she will soon outgrow, the connection she displays in the saddle is so much deeper.  It is love exuded right before my eyes.  Her face glows and her eyes twinkle with amazement.  I can tell she wants to squeeze so tight, as her delicate little hands brush the soft fur of her mounts mane.  It is new everytime she rides, but familiar and safe.  She rides without hesitation and has complete trust in her horse.  The quick lead-line pony ride only fuels her wishes and dreams to "ride on her own." In her mind, I am sure she is galloping through the open pastures, as she circles on the pony for the last time.  I smile trying to soak in every moment knowing soon enough the reins will be in her hands.

Quiet Reflections

It is a very quiet afternoon.  Unusally cool for this time of year in Kentucky. The spring has brought us many stormy days and much colder temperatures than expected.  Staving off the heat of summer a bit longer is a pleasure in my opinion.  The humidity and mercury rise so quickly here, we hardly have time to feel anything but a quick fresh, lite breeze of the second season of the year, then it is gone.  But this year has been different, spring has lingered, like the scent of lilac that hangs so pungently in the air.  The slow evaporation of the rains and the crisp morning air allow my mind to pause, resting in the moment, breathing in the life surrounding me.  If only this easy pace could be sustained through every phase of my day, my week, my year.  There are times I feel a bit suspended in motion, outside looking in on the choas that swims around me.  And I feel a longing to stay in that suspension, a voyeur to my own life, free of the hardships and stresses.  But also void of the joy and love of living...... that is why I come back to my senses; to smell, taste, touch, hear and feel again.  Alive.

The Sweet Sound of Music

One little note at a time, Eleanor's tiny fingers move across the keys as she practices piano for the first time.  It is a wonderful thing watching her discovering that she can create the gift of music.  She is intent and focused for her young age.  And playfully wonders how long it will take her to "play like mom."  To my amusement, I wonder when the day will come that she will play much better than mom.  Having only begun my serious study and playing as an adult, my skills are not polished or even consistent.  But sitting in front of a worn cream page full of dancing black lines, gives me an escape from the world.  No matter that I have stared at the sames pages for years, never quite capturing the right rhythm or smoothly completing a piece from start to finish, they are my songs.  The music that filters through me and that vintage upright piano is not a perfect symphony, but rather the memories of places, people and moments in my life.  Each song chosen carefully and purposefully, to carry the joy or sadness of my reflection.  And that is the gift of music for me.... the one I hope that my daughter will in time discover for herself.  Music helps define our lives from special memories to everyday joys.  Sometimes it is the only expression that can capture the true essence of a moment, past or present.  Leaving us with that old familiar feeling, never wanting the song to end.  "Play it again, Sam."  Humphrey Bogart, Casablanca

Way Too Long To Wait

I have been away for far too long.... life has a way of sweeping me up sometimes into a funnel cloud of daily activities.  And it is the end of the school year.... parties to attend, graduates to congratulate, teachers to thank and summer to plan.  So, life has been a bit crazy.... with not enough time in the day to accomplish all of the things I dream of in my mind.  I am now reading, A New Earth, and so wish I could transcend my thoughts and just live in the present moment.  For a single mother, that is a luxurious dream, and an almost insurmountable task.  But I am working on my meditation and stillness.  All the while still trying to juggle it all.